mandag 7. november 2011

Educational: How to troll your brother

When I was younger I shared household with my step dad, mom, brother and sister for a year and a half. One of my favorite activities during breaks was "fucking" (not literally) with my siblings, eating and annoying the cat.

This one time something "awesome" happened, I heard some ruckus upstairs and I quickly ran up wanting in on the action. The scenario I saw before me was my mom in a rage, ferociously leaning forward (to look more intimidating) cussing and screaming at the top of her lungs. Behind her I saw my brother and his mate both looking down with a slightly nervous, semi-terrified look of guilt and despair.

Apparently she had gone in his room unannounced to tell him dinner was almost ready, and when she opened the door my brother's friend was showing him this "awesome" lighter trick, where you stand on a matress, have a plastic bag (not sure what that's for) and you inhale the gas, shortly afterward you pass out and you wake up all giggly and stupid.

I place myself next to my mom, on her left I think it was, and I put on my "disappointed son" expression while shaking my head, mumbling in a low voice. "mm, so she caught you sniffing too".

My mom, (not being the sharpest knife in the drawer, cleanest glass in the cabinet, most fitting of gloves in the gloves compartment so forth) turns around with her mouth wide open in disbelief.

Holds her rage for a few seconds, my brother knows what's going on, his jaw start going limp too by the looks of it, but he's still frozen, he doesn't act.


Then she looks at me, with fire in her eyes... "You knew about this??"

I try to look as disappointed as I can, I mustered up the calmest voice I could find in the situation. "I caught him once, yes, and I nearly kicked his ass, told him if I ever caught him doing it again, I'd tell you".

In the blink of an eye, 100% of her rage was now solely focused on my brother. (At this point she seem to be struggling finding words, mostly incoherent cussing and shouting coming out of her).

To my last comment my brother 's eyes were going like this ÔÔ, reaching his hand out, pointing at me, trying to speak.

"But mom... nooo, he never.... Mom, he's ly...!!"

Only to be cut off short....


In the aftermath he's not allowed to hang with his friend anymore, he weaseled his way out of it saying he got tricked/forced, he also got grounded for x amount of weeks, only school was allowed. (His age at the time was around 15).

After the 10 min of fun I run down to continue my "work". (Was doing my grind to Rank 14, hehe).

That particular day I was doing an all niter, and when the night creeps in it's like you get more creative, get more ideas and think much more clearly. And this night was no different, I suddenly got hit by a stroke of geniusy (yes, that is a word, I ran it by Celz).

Clock is around 03:00 - 04:00 or so, I run up to the kitchen and I start frantically going through drawers, cabinets and gather up all the "stuff" I need in a large plastic bag. Next stop is the living room, I get some of mom's magazines, I then "graciously", like a cat (I like cats) dart outside to the garage collecting more items, items for my epic quest!!

(When you get into this mode it's like a feeling of slight anxiety, fear and adrenalin built into a bundle of excitement and happiness. You randomly have to stop and do these small gentle claps with your hands or you'll burst).

I then go in my "crouching ninja, hidden tiger" mode where I carefully sneak in to my brother's bedroom, here I spend around 20 minutes or so setting out all the items in their respective places. I had brought along lighters, spray cans for baking products, small see-through plastic bags (normally for bread), some glue, plastic bottles I’ve sawed holes in, (burnt the edges of it to make em look used) and last but not least, some of my mom's favorite make up magazines. (I didn't really think she could read, probably just looks at the pictures).

I carefully place the plastic bags here and there, the lighters I put in places they are easy to spot when you first enter. I take off the top of the spray cans and I knock a few over (for realism), the magazine I open on a side where there's women you could potentially fap to, I then place it right next to my brothers head, carefully, as not to wake him. (Luckily he happens to be a very heavy sleeper, so this is NP). I also try placing the glue bottles at places close to him with the lid off, and a little bit of it's content squeezed through the top (for even more realism).

When I'm satisfied with my work I slowly make my exit, and now all I have to do is wait xD (yay)
(My mom always wakes him up before school, she usually gets up first. My brother would always miss his first few classes if someone didn't wake him). And even if she didn't wake first, I was so ready for it, making a lot of noise to wake her that is. (Evil laugh).

Pfffthhhh, oh man, she just lost it completely lol. I know I talked earlier about "I'm really good at knowing people's limits, then going close to them but not quite over". In some of my other stories.

Well.... this was one of the times were I accidentally went over. I won't go into details, but I had to run upstairs and get ready to intervene, just in case she attacked him.

PS, in the aftermath I apologized to my brother and he still loves me an awful lot.

PPS, now it's just a cool story. I told this story last on the 14th of October 2011 when I met his new gf for the first time. (She was pretty awesome, she doesn't drink, likes to ride, and she likes my stories).

1 kommentar: