søndag 27. februar 2011

In my mind: Mastery

In my mind: Mastery: "Just read a really awesome book, thought I'd share some. Might be a bit awkward to follow the red line, at least at the start. But I think i..."

Mastery

Just read a really awesome book, thought I'd share some.
Might be a bit awkward to follow the red line, at least at the start. But I think it gets better as you go along.
And oh, it's pretty long, but when you get half-way you won't stop until you're done, so use that as a carrot =]

George Leonard's Mastery

- The plateau can be a form of purgatory. It triggers disowned emotions. It flushes out hidden motivations.

- We sometimes choose a course of action that brings the illusion of accomplishment, the shadow of satisfaction. And sometimes knowing little or nothing about the process that leads to mastery.

Varieties of intelligence
* Linguistics
* Musical
* Logical / Mathematical
* Spatial
* Bodily / Kinesthetic
* 2 types of Personal, Intra/Inter

- We are born geniuses of thought and feeling, + geniuses in potential of the body.

The Mastery Curve

(OK, this I drew, so not 100% sure how I can draw it here. I'll just do my best explaining what it looks like.)
Starts out flat, then it starts going in an upward hill, to a beak, then it declines and goes down a little, then it stays flat for a bit (the plateau), and the process repeats.

- Practice diligently
- Strive to hone your skills
- Attain new levels of competence

- Be willing to spend most of  your time on a plateau, to keep practicing when you seem to be getting nowhere.

- Habitual behaviour system operates at a level deeper than conscious thought.
* Involved the reflex circuit in the spinal cord as well as in various parts of the brain to which it is connected

Cognitive system: When learning a new skill, you need to make an effort to replace old patterns of sensing, movements and cognition with the new

The cognitive and the effort system become subsets of the habitual system long enough to modify it. To teach it a new behaviour. When the job is done, they withdraw. Then you don't have to stop and think.


How do you move toward mastery?
= You practice diligently (without getting frustrated on the plateau)


The 3 types of persona: Dabbler, Obsessive, Hacker

- Commercials just show endless climaxes, no plateau.
- Why people lean toward drugs
(I don't care how you win, just win, about effortless learning, instant celebrities, instant millionaires)

Same in medicine/pharmacy "fast relief"



Research studies show that most illnesses are caused by environmental factors or way of life

- 10 min at the Dr. isn't enough to get to know the patient, or write a prescription.

The NR.1 cause of death can be reversed by a long-term regime of diet, moderate exercise, yoga, meditation and group support.(Most Dr. in the us claim this is to drastic, and suggest $30k open chest surgery instead).



The joy of regular practice

- We as humans often go against what's best for us, and waste an evening distracting ourselves.

- People who love the plateau have very vivid and satisfying lives.

People who go into something for the money, the fame or the medal, can't be effective.

Mastery's true face is relaxed and serene, sometimes faintly smiling.


Goals and contingencies = important, BUT exists in the future and the past, beyond the pale of the sensory realm

Practice, the path of mastery, exists only in the present. You can see it, smell it, feel it.

To love the plateau is to love the eternal now, to enjoy the inevitable spurts of progress and the fruits of accomplishment.

Man is a learning animal.



Key One

Instruction

- The self thought person is on a chancey path (can work, like Edison, but most have kept on re-inventing the wheel.)

For mastering most skills, there's nothing better than being in the hands of a master teacher.

Either one to one, or in a small group. Also good options: Books, films, computer learning programs, group instructions, classroom, knowledgeable friends, counselors, associates, "the street".

- When you learn to easy, you're tempted not to work hard, not to penetrate to the marrow of practice.

The worst can be the best, for it perseveres, it will have learned whatever it is practicing all the way to the marrow of it's bones

- Make sure your teacher is paying attention to the slowest student on the math


When irreconsieable differences do occur, remember that the better part of wisdom is knowing when to say goodbye.

"Do not think that
This is all there is.
More and more
wonderful teachings exist -
The Sword is unfathomable"

Key 2

Practice

Practice is the path upon which you travel. Not in order to gain something else, but for it's own sake.

An old saying: The master is the one who stays on the math five minutes longer every day than anybody else.

- The master of any game is generally the master of practice

- Practice is the path to mastery. Mastery is staying on the path.


Key 3


Surrender

- The courage of a master is measured by his or her willingness to surrender.

- The beginner who stands on his or her dignity becomes rigid, armored, the learning can't get through.

- The essence of boredom is to be found in the obsessive search for novelty. Satisfaction lies in mindful repetition, the discovery of endless richness in subtle variations of familiar themes.

For the master, surrender means there are no experts. There are only learners.



Key 4

Intentionality

Nicklaus quote: A successful shot was 50% visualization, 40% setup and 10% swing

*Relaxation
*Confidence
*Mental rehearsal
*Imagining
*Relaxation exercises

Intentionality fuels the master's journey. Every master is a master of vision.

Key 5


The Edge

(I like this phrasing)
Masters are Zealots of practice, connoisseurs of the small, incremental step.




Julie Moss

Share her stupid desire, heroism, to use yourself to the limit, to finish at all cost, to attain the unattainable.
But before playing this edge, there must be years of instruction, practice, surrender, and intentionality.

Being on the never ending path.

(Was a wonderful story about her, I found a youtub clip of it).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VbWsQMabczM


Tools for Mastery


Intro: How can you avoid backsliding? Where will you find the energy for your journey? What pitfalls will you encounter on the path? How can you apply mastery to the commonplace things of life? What should you back for the journey?


Why resolutions fail - and what to do about it.

- Every one of us resists significant change, no matter whether it's for the worse or for the better.

Our body, brain and behaviour have a built-in tendency to stay with the same within rather narrow limits, and to snap back when changed

- Equilibrium, called homeostasis

- Homeostasis doesn't distinguish between what you would call change for the better and change for the worse. It resists all change

- The resistance here is proportionate to the size and speed of the change

When you begin to pursue mastery, homeostasis will happen. Might come in any of these forms:

* Alarms in form of physical or psychological symptoms
* Might unknowingly sabotage your own best efforts
* Might get resistance from family, friends and co-workers


Here are 5 guidelines to help you on your way if you do decide to go on the path.

1. Be aware of the way homeostasis works
(When the alarm bell rings, it doesn't mean you're sick or crazy or lazy or that you've made a bad decision.)

Instead take these signals as if you're life is about to change

- Don't panic and give up at the first sign of trouble

- Don't be surprised if some of the people you love start covertly and overtly undermining your self-improvement.
(It's not that they wish you harm, it's just homeostasis at work.)


2. Be willing to negotiate with your resistance to change

The willingness to take 2 steps forward and one step backwards

- To keep pushing, but not without awareness

Stay alert prepare for serious negotiations.


3. Develop a support system

* You can do it alone, but it helps a great deal to have other people with you.


4. Follow a regular practice.

Practice is a habit, and any regular practice provides a sort of underlying homeostasis, a stable base during the instability of change.


5. Dedicate yourself to lifelong learning.

* To learn is to change. Education, whether it involves books, body, or behaviour, is a process that changes the learner.

* The best learning of all involves learning to learn


Getting Energy for Mastery


* A human being is the kind of machine that wears out from lack of use. (There are limits)

* Often the best remedy for physical weariness is 30 min exercise.

* mental and spiritual lassitude is often cured by decisive action or the clear intention to act.


Here's how you get started:

1. Maintain physical fitness.

* Physical fitness contributes enormously to energy in every aspect of our lives.

* People who feel good about themselves, who are in touch with nature and their own bodies, are more likely to use their energy for good.


2. Acknowledge the negative and accentuate the positive

* Value a positive attitude and the effectiveness of praise and other forms of positive feedback.

* It seems you can hardly overdo it

- Acknowledging the negative doesn't mean sniveling; it means facing the truth and then moving on.

- Avoid teachers and supervisors who are highly critical in a negative sense.
(Telling people what they're doing wrong while ignoring what they are doing right reduces their energy).

"Here's what I like about what you're doing, and here's how you might improve it".


3. Try telling the truth

* Lies and secrets are poison

* Truth-telling works best when it involves revealing your own feelings, not when used to insult others and to get on your way.

* It has a lot going for it, risk, challenge, excitement and the release of all that energy


4. Honor but don't indulge your dark side.

- Stop putting so much of ourselves into that invisible bag.

- Use the blazing energy that flows from that which has been called dark.


5. Set your priorities.

- Before you can use your potential energy, you have to decide what you're going to do with it.

And in making any choice you face a monstrous fact: To move in one direction, you must forgo all others.

To choose one goal is to forsake a very large number of other possible goals.

(Television makes it even more complicated. By offering endless possibilities, it temps you to choose none, to sit staring in endless wonder, to become comatose. Indecision leads to inaction, which leads to low energy, depression and despair).

Liberation comes through the acceptance of your limits. You can't do everything, but you can do one thing, then another, and then another.

- In terms of energy, it's better to make a wrong choice than none at all.

- Start modestly, list your priorities, for the day, tomorrow. Try to do the same thing long term, use A,B,C. Priorities shift, and you can change them any time.

- Simply getting them down in black and white (if you use that color and paper) adds clarity to your life, and clarity creates energy.


6. Make commitments. Take action.

- Set your own deadlines

- Can give surge of clarity and energy

- You have to take it seriously
(One way is to make it public.)

- The firmer the deadline, the harder it is to break, and the more energy it confers.

- Above all else, move and keep moving.

- Take time for wise planning, but don't take forever


7. Get on path of mastery and stay on it.

- Adequate rest is cool, but unaccompanied by positive action, rest may only depress you

- People whose energy is flowing don't need to take a drug, commit a crime or "go to war" in order to feel alive.


Pitfalls along the way

It's easy to get on the path. The real challenge lies in staying on it.

1. Conflicting way of life

2. Obsessive goal orientation.

- The desire for quick, sure, and highly visible results is perhaps the deadliest enemy of mastery.

- When climbing, don't keep looking at the peak, keep your eyes on the path.


3. Poor instruction

* Surrender
* Don't bounce around from one teacher to another.
* But don't stick to a situation that's not working.


4. Lack of competitiveness.

* Competition provides spice
* Can provide motivation
* Winning graciously and losing with equal grace are the mark of a master


5. Overcompetetiveness.


6. Laziness

"Disinclined to action or extortion; averse to labor, indolent, idle, slothful."

The bad news is that laziness will knock you off the path. The good news is that the path is the best possible cure for laziness. Courage!!! (Not suppose to be !'s there, but I added them for dramatic effect).


7. Injuries.

- The best way of achieving a goal is to be fully present.


8. Drugs.

Can give the illusion of getting the immediate success this culture is always promising you.


9. Prizes and Medals.

Excessive use of external motivation can slow and even stop your journey to mastery.


10. Vanity.

To learn something new of any significance, you have to be willing to look foolish.

- If you're always thinking about appearances, you can never attain the state of concentration that's necessary for effective learning and top performance.


11. Dead seriousness.

Without laughter, the rough and rocky places on the path might be too painful to bear. Humor not only lightens your load, it also broadens perspective. To be deadly serious is to suffer tunnel vision. To be able to laugh at yourself clears the vision. When choosing fellow voyagers, beware of grimness, self-importance, and the solemn eye.


12. Inconsistency.

- Consistency of practice is the mark of the master

- Value in repeating favourite rituals before, during and after practice.

- Inconsistency not only loses you practice time, but makes everything more difficult when you do get around to practicing.


13. Perfectionism.

We fail to realize mastery is not about perfection. It's about a process, a journey. The master is the one who stays on the path day after day, year after year. The master is the one who is willing to try, and fail, and try again, for as long as he or she lives.


Mastering the Commonplace

- Most of life is "in between"

- Building a stone wall or washing dishes is essentially no different from formal meditation


Household Rhythm:
- Whatever you do, do it awesomely (I made that word up)
- Stay wholly focused on the moment
- Above all, don't hurry

- Life is filled with opportunities for practicing the inexorable, unhurried rhythm of mastery.

Focus on the process rather than the product

This takes practice....

The challenge of Relationships

- If you have to work at a sport to achieve mastery, you also have to work, and generally work even more diligently, to achieve mastery in relationships.

- The most important learning and development takes place during your time on the plateau

* Instruction
* Practice
* Surrender
(The stronger you are the more you can give of yourself. The more you give of yourself, the stronger you can be.)
* Intentionality
(Cultivate a positive attitude)
* The Edge

The path to mastery is built on unrelenting practice, but it's also a place of adventure.

Couples with a willingness to play new games, dances, intimacy, willingness to strip layers, to live entirely in the moment, revealing everything and expecting nothing in return.

Ultimately, nothing in this life is "commonplace," nothing is "in between". The threads that join your every act, your every thought, are infinite. All paths of mastery eventually merge.


Packing for the Journey

Maybe an old skill or obsession you've been dabbling in, or hacking at for months or years. Maybe vowed to treat your entire life to the best of your ability, as a process to mastery.

Start with the checklist.

The Five Master Keys
* Key 1: Instruction
* Key 2: Practice
* Key 3: Surrender
* Key 4: Intentionality
* Key 5: The Edge

Dealing with change and Homeostasis

* Be aware of how homeostasis work
* Be willing to negotiate with your resistance to change
* Develop a support system
* Follow a regular practice
* Dedicate yourself to lifelong learning

Getting Energy for Mastery


* Maintain physical fitness
* Acknowledge the negative and accentuate the positive
* Try telling the truth
* Honor but don't indulge in your dark side
* Set priorities
* Make commitments. Take action
* Get on the path of mastery and stay on it

Pitfalls along the Path

* Conflicting way of life
* Obsessive goal orientation
* Poor instruction
* Lack of competitiveness
* Overcompetetiveness
* Laziness
* Injuries
* Drugs
* Prizes and medals
* Vanity
* Inconsistency
* Perfectionism

Parting Gifts

Balancing and centering
(oh crap)

Returning to the center

- Basically, learn about meditation, breathing exercises. When you get knocked off, find your center.

Getting Energy from unexpected blows

- When things go shit, losing a friend, loved one. Don't struggle blindly, don't deny yourself the pain.

- Have a partner grab your wrist, and spill your guts.

- When done, feel your center, focus on the clarity and use all that energy. Consider the possibility that any misfortune that befalls you during your journey can be converted to positive energy.

Introduction to ki

ki in japanese
ch'i in Chinese
Pneuma in Greek
Prana in Sanskrit
"the force" in Star Wars lol

In the ancient tradition, the word comes from the notion of breath

* Considered the fundamental energy of the Universe that connects all things and under girds all creative action.

- The idea of ki can offer the untrained person an effective way of gaining a sensation of increased power along with relaxation, especially during times of fatigue and stress, and thus is a useful item to pack for your journey.

Relaxing for power:
Power; to be able

Visualize with exaggerated images, make your muscles relaxed (not rigid and tense) to increase their power.

Interesting facts:

- Human DNA contains more information than all of the libraries in the world.

- In potentia, humans are the most formidable all-around athlete who has ever roamed the planet.

- The unaided human eye can detect a single quantum of light and discern more than ten million colors. (I'm pretty sure I'm stuck at like 9).

- The human brain is the most complex entity in the known universe.

- What you are made of is mostly unused potential.

- It is our evolutionary destiny to use what is unused, to learn and keep learning for as long as we live

To choose this destiny, to walk the path of mastery, isn't always easy, but it's the ultimate human adventure.

Closing words

To be a learner, you've got to be willing to be a fool.

- How many times have you failed to try something new out of fear of being thought silly?

- How often have you censored your spontaneity out of fear of being thought childish?

Second naivete = childlike quality, often found in people with an unusually high degree of their potential


"Are you willing to wear your white belt?"

lørdag 26. februar 2011

A little peak in my wordpad documents

Hey, decided to clean up my PC, found lots of my old word pad documents. Way to much to just throw it all up here, but thought I'd toss up a little here and there since a lot of you guys seem to appreciate my blogs, gives me an awesome feeling as well <3


How to be confident "To have faith in oneself"

1 - Think for yourself. Very confident people know what they are doing is right, usually because they created an original thought rather than attempting to reproduce from an external source.

2 - Make a list of special talents you have, or things you do that are good.

3 - Find your passion.

4 - Chose a role model.

5 - Focus on others. Try not to focus negatively on how you come across or how others may perceive you. Instead, focus more on the outside world rather than just your internal world, and that will build your confidence as other people start enjoying your company.

6 - Accept compliments gratefully. Don't roll your eyes and say, "yeah, right," or shrug it off. Take it to heart and respond positively. (Thank you, and a smile works well).

7 - Know that you have important things to say and do. When you feel strongly about something, speak loudly and clearly and make eye contact with people, be yourself.

8 -  Take care of yourself. Eat healthy (CHECK), Don't abuse you body ( I DON'T, except for bad sleep patterns),  and don't deny any of the things it need. At the same time don't obsess. Confidence comes from within, not from products. Take the time to reflect on your life and do some emotional maintenance. In order to be truly confident, you absolutely must value yourself and understand that your well-being is important.

9 - Work out. This is a real fast change. The gym can transform even the last geek. It will help you to be who you are, and not be afraid of it. That's the real confidence. Getting enough exercise can boost your confidence amazingly. Not only will it give you more energy throughout the day, but being in good physical shape will make you feel more "worthy" you could say, to talk to other and be yourself.

10 - Stick up for yourself. If people put you down (and not in a good-natured, joking way), then let them know that their opinion of you is not held by everyone-most of all, yourself. This may at first be hard to do. But once you stick up for yourself a few times, your confidence builds and you get more adept at it.

11 - Celebrate your individuality. f you know you've got something special or different, then embrace it, don't hide it. That's diversity. You may wish that you were taller, shorter, skinnier, stronger, whatever it may be, but realize that, if you were like everyone else, then you wouldn't be who you are, and what am I? The answer is easy. You're Unique individual who's capable of growing and learning.

12 - Take action. Tackling a task, something you may have been procrastinating, tidying up, writing a letter, fix something, clean something, etc. Or any classes you might want to take, things you want to learn, so forth.

13 - Improve posture. Don't slouch or slump your shoulders. Make sure your back is straight, your shoulders are square, and your chest is puffed out slightly, but stay loose. Keep your chin up and your eyes forward than looking at the ground.

14 - Make a conscious effort to smile often. A smile makes you appear warm, honest, friendly and confident. You can also relax your facial muscles entirely, which will make you appear calm and relaxed. Observe in the mirror, to make sure you don't have a tense or nervous facial expression, if you do others may think you're sad angry or uncomfortable.

15 - Make eye contact with others, especially when engaging in conversation. Gaze into the other person's eyes as you talk to make yourself seem interested, calm and confident. Avoiding eye contact makes you appear shy and submissive, while staring too long may make you appear angry or scared. So the best advice is  gaze into a person's eyes as you converse with them while occasionally shifting your gaze or looking around.

16 - Control your hand motions. When it comes to gesturing with your hands, keeping your hands far apart and your palms open makes you appear open and honest.
Pointing with your fingers and bringing your hands closer together can draw emphasis to what you are saying. Don't overuse hand gestures or you'll look nervous and unstable. Avoid wringing your hands or touching your sleeves, as these things cane make you appear nervous, tense or even dishonest.
Shaking hands, firm grip with a man, and as gentle as the woman if a female!!

17 - Put a little strut into your walk. Move like you have a purpose, and keep your knees slightly bent to avoid appearing stiff or rigid.

18 - Act confident, even if you don't truly feel it. After a while it will come naturally. Also learn not to care what other people think of you. Don't let anyone bring you down. People are just jealous, and intending to put you down, don't let anyone slow your progress.

19 - Smile and talk loudly and clearly, making jokes and being generally happy. Don't moan or be over confident, people hate that so much

20 - Be kind to everyone, even if you don't like them. No matter who they are, just be nice. That way you will seem warm, friendly, caring and kind.


How to smile

"Frown and you frown alone, but smile and the whole world smiles with you."

1 - Practice good hygiene. Brush teeth, get good breath, polishing at the dentist so forth.
You'll make a better impression, and you'll feel more confident.



3 - Think happy thoughts. The easiest way to a great smile is to be happy. (Someone you care about, a joke you find hilarious. Remarkably, when you're feeling down, smiling can help cheer you up, even if you have to coax a smile at first.

4 - Smile with your eyes. Your cheekbones lift slightly and your eyebrows dip a little, you know it when you see it, your eyes lighting up, or twinkling. Play around in front of a mirror, cover up your face if you have to. Remember how it feels like when you get it right, and you'll be able to smile with your eyes at will.

5 - Develop your smile, find the picture where you smile the best and most contagious, focus on what your smile is doing, then practice in the mirror till you get it just right. Soon it will become second nature, and you'll look more photogenic in your next batch of pictures.


* Try showing only your upper teeth when you smile
* Being your smile with your eyes, once our eyes are smiling, they tend to pull your whole face into  natural, beautiful smile
* Ever laughed hysterically? Now, laugh slightly and now you have a natural pretty smile
* A lot of men feel uncomfortable about smiling at strangers, especially at other males. If that's the case just offer a casual Hi, or Hi man, or sup. It works just as well, and feels less awkward for a lot of guys.
* If you have a tooth that pokes out a bit at the side, as many people do, try to get your lip to go above it so your lip doesn't catch on the tooth when you smile

Warnings!!! A fake smile can make you look phony, nervous or even dangerous
Don't have things stuck in your teeth



How to Dance

1 - Listen to the rhythm
You can pick up the beat by counting to four repeatedly (one, two, three, four, one two, three, four...) Do this out loud.
If the music doesn't fit, you may find yourself counting to three

2 - Bob your head to the rhythm.
If the beat is on the slower side, you can bob your head so that your chin is down at every count. If the beat is faster, your chin will be down on two of the counts and up on the other two.
Do this gently, this isn't headbanging.
The idea is to get part of your body physically moving with the rhythm. As your movements gets more complicated, you might "lose" the rhythm, and you should always return to this step if that happens.

3 - Shift your weight between your feet.
You can continue bobbing your head, but don't stop counting yet. Shift all of your weight to one foot (you can lift the other foot slightly of the ground to make sure all your weight is off of it.).
At every other count (preferable 1 and 3) shift your weight completely to the other foot. You can do it every other count, but you get more comfortable starting out slow before you dance fast.
Keep your lets "loose" and bed your knees slightly; there should be a little bit of "bounce" to your weight shift, and a subtle bounce (in place) on the counts when you aren't shifting your weight as well.

4 - Move your feet. Once you're shifting your weight to the rhythm, practice moving your feet.
Right before you shift your weight to a foot, move it slightly, even just an inch or two from where it was before. (start with very small movements)
Keep the music on, keep counting, keep moving a little bit with each time you shift your weight (at every other count).
When you move your foot, keep it close to the ground. You can kick your feet up in the air later, when you're letting loose.

5 - Move your hips.  When you put your weight on a foot, move your hips (and your body) slightly in the direction of that foot.
( You move shift weight to the right foot, you move your hips to the right)
You can twist your body slightly to add a little more movement: When you move to the right, put your right shoulder forward a little and left shoulder back, and vice verca for when you move to the left.
(Note, that this range of movement, hip movement, twisting, swiveling is usually exaggerated by women to emphasize the female form).

6 - Throw your hands in the air. This is the part that indicates to people that you're having fun. If you're uncomfortable, the tendency is to hold them close or let them hang limp.
Instead, move your arms around. Keep your hands open or in very loose fists, but never stiff (unless you're doing robot). Throw them up 8-12 counts, then in front of you for 8-12. Then at your side for 8-12 counts, like when you're running, keep switching it up. If you're dancing with someone, you can put your hands on their shoulders, waist or hips.

7 - Lose yourself in the music. Let your body move naturally to the rhythm. You want to look smooth rather than jerky and stiff.
Just go back to step one when you lose it

8 - Practice dancing whenever you have the chance. Kitchen, bedroom, anywhere, will make you feel more comfortable in your body. Watch yourself in a mirror to get an idea what looks good and what doesn't


TIPS: it helps to learn to dance to your favourite music, especially if you memorize and sing along to the lyrics. and you'll have more fun with music you enjoy
* When you go out, remember, you're there to have fun and so is everyone else, no1 is judging you on how you dance. If your esteem is low, your body language will reflect this, so go out and have FUN
* Study, watch scenes from movies, TV shows, music shows, and pay attention to what is going on. Pay attention and pick up all the standard moves that go again and again
* Take a class
* watch other dancers
* smile and look like you're having fun, add faces and be lively
* its always easier to dance when it's dark, because you feel less self conscious
* bring a friend who is a terrible dancer but just doesn't care


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=twqM56f_cVo&feature=player_embedded


Happiness <3

Happiness seems to whittle down to your outlook on life, and the quality of your relationships with the people around you. To be happy you should know what to love and how much.

1 - Be optimistic. Largely boils down to how you think. Everyone has a baseline happiness, so if you win the lottery, when it's past, you'll go down to the level of happiness you usually had.

2 - Follow your gut. When you have a decision to make, and you're down to a few options, just pick the one that feels right and go with it.

3 - Make enough money to meet your basic needs:
Food, shelter and clothing. In the US that magic number is 40.000$ a year. Any money you make beyond that will have negligible effects on your happiness.
Once over that, your happiness is not significantly affected how much you make, but by your level of optimism.
(Comfort may increase with salary, but comfort doesn't make people happy, it makes people bored. That's why it's important to push beyond your comfort zone to fuel your growth as a person).

4 - Stay close to friends and family. Our relationships with our friends and family have a far greater impact on our happiness than our jobs do.

5 - Find happiness in the job you have now.  If you have a positive outlook, you will make the best of any job, and if you have good relationships with people, you won't depend on your job to give your life a greater sense of meaning. You'll find it in your interactions with the people you care about.
This doesn't mean you shouldn't aspire towards a job that will make you happier; it makes you  understand that the capacity of your job to make you happy is quite small in comparison to your outlook on life and your relationships with people.

6 - Smile. Whether you feel happy or not, your mood will be elevated. So smile all the time. In addition having enough money to pay the bills allows you to focus your energies on more productive aspects of your life, such as the pursuit of happiness as opposed to keeping the "wolves from the door".

7 - Stop worrying. If you spend all your time worrying, you'll miss out on the fun side of life. Take it easy once in a while, and just relax.

8 - Be grateful for what you have. Think about the less fortunate. Volunteer at a food bank or give some items to Goodwill. It'll boost your confidence quick.

9 - Have more mirrors. Look in them as much as possible, no matter how unattractive you think you are. And every time you look into it and see yourself, smile at yourself.

10 - Start something. A club, a program. Fan club, whatever, toss a small party. Something light and happy to get your mind off things, and to hang out with other people who can help you relax and feel better.


* When you can't seem to be positive or cheerful, do something silly,  something crazy. Turn up the music, start jumping, dancing, screaming, whatever pops into mind. Change something, eat something different, something that can lift of your mood, and be glad you did it.

 Try some of the following <3
- Express gratitude
- Tell someone that you appreciate them
- Reflect on your blessings
- Write a thank you note
- Savor life's joys
- Take pleasure in your senses
- Celebrate small victories
- See beauty in the everyday
- Be optimistic
- Think about past accomplishments
- Visualize your best possible future
- Identify and replace negative thoughts
- Nurture social relationships
- Listen
- Spend more time with friends
- Show more affection
- Increase experiences
- Pursue your passions
- Challenge yourself
- Absorb yourself in an activity
- Practice spirituality
- Volunteer at a charity
- Meditate
- Reflect
- Take care of your body
- Eat well
- Unwind
- Take up a new sport
- Develop strategies for coping
- Find value in negative events
- Talk through it
- Write about your experiences

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BUnQg-K-RIw&feature=player_embedded


How to look approachable

No matter how beautiful you are (I'm really beautiful) or how good a conversationalist  you can be, if you look intimidating, preoccupied or scared, people might not be inclined to talk to you. Here's how to use your body language to look more friendly and approachable.

1 - Be aware of what your body is saying. You don't have to actually say anything to communicate a message to others. Unfortunately, your body may not always say what you want it to.
If you're gestures and posture are saying "I'm too busy", "leave me alone," it's not likely people will approach you. Other people watch your body for clues, so it's important to pay attention to what clues you're displaying.

2 - Open up. When people are uncomfortable in a situation they have a tendency to display closed body language. Examples include folding your arms in front of you, hunching over, positioning your body so that you're angled away from others. These signals imply that you'd rather be left alone.
If you're rather not be left alone, make sure you're displaying open body language by angling yourself toward other people, sitting or standing with an upright (but not stiff) posture, and uncrossing your arms.

3 - Use your eyes. Not only your window to the world, they're also other people's window into you. If you bury your head in a book, stare at the floor, or look up at the ceiling, you close that window. If you want to look friendly and approachable, scan your environment with your eyes, and don't be afraid to make eye contact with people.

4 - Smile. A warm, inviting smile can put anyone at ease, and it also makes you look like you're having a great time, which makes people want to be around you and get in on the fun.
Be sure to smile often during small talk. It lets people know you appreciate talking to them. Smile with your eyes. When you get eye contact, don't stare or  glare. Soften your eye expression and make your eyes smile or twinkle.
The eyes are actually more important than the mouth to what most people consider a "genuine" smile.

5 - Beware self-comfort gestures. Nervousness manifests itself in body language in many ways. Important not to be nervous if you really want to socialize and meet people.
Touching your hand to your face, especially putting it over your mouth, or if you have a drink, holding your glass by the mouth can give the impression you're not interested in talking to them.
Metronomic gestures such as foot tapping, can signal impatience or boredom, so people may think you don't have time to talk or aren't interested in conversation.
Other nervous habits picking at your cuticles or biting your fingernails can also make you appear distant or lost in thought.
Once again, just pay attention to what your body is saying, and you can avoid putting up these barriers.

6 - Approach others. If people aren't approaching you, why not go to them? Nothing makes you look more outgoing and approachable than actively seeking out people and talking to them.
If you're in an environment where you don't know anybody, the longer you wait alone, the more uncomfortable you're bound to feel.

7 - Address any deeper issues. Your body language usually communicates your deepest emotions at any given time, and it's not easy to fake body language.
The best way to look approachable, then, is to actually enjoy yourself in social interactions. If you feel anxious in social settings, or if you're uncomfortable around the opposite gender, get over your anxiety by seeking out opportunities to interact with people. If you have especially strong social anxiety (common), you may find it helpful to seek out counseling or talk to your doctor.

Tips:
* Aside from body language, other elements of your appearance can affect how you approachable you look.
Dressing in clothing in light/bright colors with textures that look soft to the touch will make you stand out more in a crowd and look more approachable.
* In a social situation, such as a party, offer to help out in some way.
Excellent tasks: Cutting vegetables, washing dishes, keeping the music going, picking up used plates
* Position yourself for conversation. If people are sitting, don't stand, position yourself so that you can comfortable talk.




A lot of the stuff I like learning about is often about areas I feel I've been lacking, since most of my life I've been gaming. I think you get a bit introverted when you spend a lot of time at the computer, but I found out by learning about it, the confidence and outgoingness (wonder if that's a word) happens so much easier and faster with some knowledge to back you up whenever you feel like changing the scenery.

Hoping to continue to post more frequently, all the best <3

fredag 25. februar 2011

A little peak in my mind

Today I decided to clean up some of the clutter around my pc, half of the notes I found un-interesting and just threw them away. The other half was about poker, the rest I wrote down on a notepad. It was used to give me impulses, or things for me to study at a later time so I wouldn't forget it. Things I pick up reading books, watching clips or things I got from just talking to people.

Thought I might share <3

- If you're not having fun, not worth doing

* Being successful doesn't make you manage your time well. Managing your time well makes you successful.
* Goals, priority, planning, fuck doing things right, do the right thing
* 100 things to do in life, only do things on your list




- Sound healing

* Music is good for you, especially if made with love.
* Listen conciously
* Create sound, speak, sing, playing

- Buy a deck of cards

* How to draw
* How to paint


- The first step is a big one

If you can dream it, you can do it.

* Use to do list, always do the ugly first
* Find your creative times and your dead times. Do boring/rep. or easy things in your weak times
*Time journal? See how you spend your time
* The time famine, bad time management = stress

- Exfoliate

* wash, good cleanser
* Rinse, remove all excess
* Moisture, condition
* Keep clean. Don't touch face with hands

- How to read women's body language for flirting
- How to live in the moment
- How to get selfesteem
- How to be enthusiastic
- How to communicate
- How to talk (rofl)

Pretty is something you can see. Pretty is temporal. The beautiest things in the world is something you can feel. Beauty is eternal. Moral, Values, Personality.

- If things ain't going that well, np, means you're learning a lot, and they will go better later.
- Power of dreams, gives us the first step.

- How to impress a woman you're with (ps, this is not on how to get a woman, if you try any of this, chances are it will fail pretty bad. What a woman is attracted to, and what she wants in a man are two completly different things, even though they'll never admit to that.)

* Surprise her
* Call her
* Give her compliments
* Take her out to dine
* Shop with her
* Laugh with her
* Cry with her
* Give her stuff
* Tickle her
* Buy her flowers
* Write her love letters
* Listen to her

- Things that bring more happiness in your life

* Start giving
* Give out thanks, for all they've contributed to your life
* Appreciate
* Read to a child
* Say yes a lot more than you say no

- It's much easier to become interested in others than it is to convince others to be interested in you.
* Make sure to pause. (Let people come with stuff.)

- Boredome, other side of creativity, oposite of Yin. Everything is Yin and Yang. If you understand that you really don't have to understand anything else.

- The second you don't love someone, they own you.
- Key ingredients to life, true happiness.
- Awesome shield to have around you.

Fellatio = oralsex


Best attributes to have as a man:

* Sincerity, heartiness, candor
* Humility, meekness
* Restraint
* Honesty

- Negative thoughts can tell us about something that needs attention.

* See negative occurences as a learning experience


- Person means mask

* You won't wake up until you feel you've payed a price for it.
* Guilt, anxiety, game you keep playing. (Because we think we deserve it).
We invent tests for ourselves.
* Don't go to a shrink
* You're the problem

- Do you define yourself as a victim of the world.... Or the world?
- Money, we get it backwards


- Everything in your life is there because of the choices you make.

* Unsuccessful people hope. Successful people decide.


- Make sure not to turn the pc on first thing in the morning, do some reading, get some air, do something else as a ritual.
- You can create any change in your life through the choices you make <3


- What would you do if money were no object?

* Better to have a short life doing what you like, than a long miserable life doing what you hate.
* ps, find out if emu oils are awesome

One of the best quotes: You miss 100% of the chances you don't take